Awwwwwwww heck (pardon our language)! Are you guys ready for another "feminist" story from the bible? Moreover, by "feminist" we mean a woman is in it, and that is the best this terrible book has to offer! Well, here's the story of Ruth, a lady just trying to get a husband. So, you know, super progressive. Ruth touches a weird guy's feet which we learn later is supposed to be his dick! Gross. But, also, why?? Don't worry though we look up some SEXY renaissance paintings of Ruth to help wash down the shame. NSFW, indeed. Speaking of shame, we find out the horrible secret surrounding our old friend King David's lineage. So if you're into intrigue, sexy paintings, and foot/penis gropings, this might be the episode for you. If you're not into any of those things, you're probably normal and please don't report us to the police.