The Tipsy Testament Podcast

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Ep 15 - The Misadventures of Jesus: Zombies and Figs

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You're in for a treat this episode! We discuss Jesus tormenting his followers with a zombie! Veronica shows her true geek side by ranting about Batman and then falls into a wine coma. Also, Jesus steals a tiny pony!

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Ep 14 - Who was the strongest thong loving man of the Bible?

Okay, so in this episode we talk about Sampson the strong man!  We also decide that Sampson is definitely the Sylvester Stallone of the Bible.  Sampson's naming schemes for important places seem to follow a very distinct, and simple pattern because he was obviously a dunce.  You can hear this foolishness in action when he lifts the gates of A WHOLE CITY and just takes them away cause he was locked out.  Delila, Sampson's love interest, ties him up with wet, sexy thongs and Veronica drinks copious amounts of wine right out of the bag!  Have you ever heard of a man murdering just a TON of people with a piece of a donkey skeleton?  Listen to this episode and you will!

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Ep 13 - The imaginary Adventures of Daniel, the Dream Wizard

In this episode, we continue following the exploits of our boy Daniel.  This time, Daniel spends some quality time with some lions after he gets snitched on by a bunch of jealous haters!  We also realize that, maybe, these stories might be a narcissistic embellishment from Daniel himself!  Her certainly deems himself important enough to take up a majority of the book of the Bible with his own personal dream journal.  Whatever, Daniel!  Nobody cares!  The Tipsy Crew discusses what our own books of the Bible would be about and that's when we're introduced to Drinkula: The Winepire.  Thanks again, V. 

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Ep 12 - Daniel, a human furnace, dream wizards, and shadow people

On this episode, Veronica is introduced to the character of Daniel and his dope-ass friends.  If you ask us, Babylonians are pretty great at naming folks cause Daniel and company end up with some pretty cool monikers!  Veronica: Professional Dream Interpreter tries her hand at deciphering the Biblical dreams of King Nebuchadnezzar and then gets us to discuss our own weird dreams.  What are these weird shadow people Veronica encountered in her youth, why is Jonte dreaming of giant bags of oranges, and what's with Alex's sleep paralysis?  Give this episode a listen and maybe none of your questions will be answered. 

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Bonus Ep 04 - Wes Craven’s Dracula 2000

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Join the Tipsy Testament crew as we take a journey back in time and watch Wes Craven's Dracula 2000! This is a period piece if we've ever seen one cause this movie's got ethnically diverse Matrix knock-offs, some janky wire-work, everyone's favorite 90's artist Vitamin C, and nu-metal galore! And don't worry, if you're feeling nostalgic for Virgin Megastores then this is the film for you. Listen to Jonté lament ever having to sit and watch this travesty and Veronica reveal her secret love for square faced white men! And you'll never guess the tenuous biblical thread this movie has that prompted us to cover it. We're all fundamentally different now.

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Ep 11 - Golly Gee! It’s Bloodthirsty David and Fushigi Master Goliath!

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What do you get when you take a small boy with a leather strap and have him fight a souped-up gladiator who's tall enough to play as a center in the NBA?  Well, you get this story (and probably a healthy dose of childhood trauma)!  Join us as we attempt to educate Veronica about David - a small, bloodthirsty boy who thought he was hot shit and his famous dust-up with contact juggling extraordinaire Goliath.  Once again, Veronica can't get enough of talking about harems of women but that's no surprise to anyone.  This episode ends much like an after-school special because we talk about our won Goliath's in life.  AWWWWW!  THE MORE YOU KNOW!

 

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Ep 10 - The Misadventures of Jesus in the Desert

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Join the Tipsy crew as we continue our New Testament exploration with a few highlights from the adventures of Jesus! Listen in awe as Jesus performs some high-end parlor tricks such as: getting a wedding party hella lit on wine, grifting a giant crowd of strangers by feeding them what most likely was mystery food, and killing a herd of pigs with demon possession! We all got super trashed for this one so we barely remember it! Maybe you can listen and remind us of what went down?

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Ep 09 - Angsty Teenage Jonah and the (formally known as Whale) Fish

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In this episode, we cover that classic children's bible story, Jonah and the Whale! We learn that Jonah might just be an angsty teen who is just trying to get to his Taking Back Sunday concert but God has other plans. We talk about how burlap sacks are the only way to gain favor with God so we plan out our sexy burlap sack designs. Also, Jonte and Alex discover that Veronica is a maritime disaster who REALLY loves Linkin Park. Side note: we apologize for the some of the weird sound levels. Veronica laughs obnoxiously loud in this episode. Damn Veronica.  

Jonah and the whale was suggested by The Dan and Kody podcast

Promo: FatBoyz2Men

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Bonus Ep 03 - The Last Temptation of Christ (1988) discussion

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As a follow-up to episode 08, we decided to attempt to tackle Martin Scorsese's snooze-fest from 1988, The Last Temptation of Christ. Willem Dafoe stars as a whiny, introspective carpenter, Jesus, who specializes in building modular crosses. We're pretty sure he was the founding father of biblical Ikea.

In this bonus, we are faced with the realization that this particular film is un-goofable.  We watched 30 minutes of this contemplative, slowly-paced classic and then fell promptly to sleep with visions of sweet, sweet Willem Dafoe’s grim visage dancing about in our dreams.  It wasn’t all a loss, though!  There was a pretty dope kazoo-based song at one point in the movie.  Also: we learned that this particular version of Jesus is totally okay with waiting all day in a line to see a prostitute only to condescendingly proselytize to her! We also discover the joys of Green Goblin porn!

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Ep 08 - Was Jesus tempted by a harem of women??

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Episode 08 has arrived! Listen up as we introduce Veronica to our boy, Jesus! We discuss the three temptations of Christ and decide whether or not Satans temptations were ACTUALLY good temptations. Veronica attempts to land a record deal during this episode and Alex enlightens us of his love of chicken pot pie and Rhianna. Jonte discusses his first sexual encounter as we dig deeper into what tempted us as adolescents and young adults! Warning: if you love Quentin Tarantino, Veronica expresses her intense hate towards his bulbous ugly head. 

 

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