May 10, 2017
Join the Tipsy Testament crew as we take a journey back in time and watch Wes Craven's Dracula 2000! This is a period piece if we've ever seen one cause this movie's got ethnically diverse Matrix knock-offs, some janky wire-work, everyone's favorite 90's artist Vitamin C, and nu-metal galore! And don't worry, if you're feeling nostalgic for Virgin Megastores then this is the film for you. Listen to Jonté lament ever having to sit and watch this travesty and Veronica reveal her secret love for square faced white men! And you'll never guess the tenuous biblical thread this movie has that prompted us to cover it. We're all fundamentally different now.
April 19, 2017
As a follow-up to episode 08, we decided to attempt to tackle Martin Scorsese's snooze-fest from 1988, The Last Temptation of Christ. Willem Dafoe stars as a whiny, introspective carpenter, Jesus, who specializes in building modular crosses. We're pretty sure he was the founding father of biblical Ikea.
In this bonus, we are faced with the realization that this particular film is un-goofable. We watched 30 minutes of this contemplative, slowly-paced classic and then fell promptly to sleep with visions of sweet, sweet Willem Dafoe’s grim visage dancing about in our dreams. It wasn’t all a loss, though! There was a pretty dope kazoo-based song at one point in the movie. Also: we learned that this particular version of Jesus is totally okay with waiting all day in a line to see a prostitute only to condescendingly proselytize to her! We also discover the joys of Green Goblin porn!
April 12, 2017
For this bonus episode, we decided to watch Stephen King's semi-religiousy, 100% nonsensical Children of the Corn from 1984. In this film, kids decide parents just don't understand, Corn joins the MMA and give a guy the beat-down of his life, and Sarah Connor gives us the worst lap dance of the century. Also, Corn cop steals the show with his tour-de-force performance as Corn cop!
March 28, 2017
Join us in this bonus episode as we talk about the inexplicable 2014 Darren Aronofsky anomaly, Noah. If you’re into incredulous emotional and intellectual rollercoasters, this is the episode for you. Why are angels turned into giant, cumbersome rock monsters in this movie!? Beats the hell out of us! We’re too busy trying to figure out where Anthony Hopkins got Gandalf powers and a flaming sword. Also: Did you ever want to hear about Noah, obviously your favorite Bible hero, looking SUPER diesel and kicking some ass? Did you ever want to hear about a Biblical family falling apart cause one of the sons saw some dad dick? You ever want to hear about a cast of stars building a giant crate alongside some CGI monstrosities!? Listen to us as we stumble our way through a discussion about this film.